Hey guys,
I am sitting in my religion class now and I just feel... bleh. I've felt like "bleh" for a while now, but I genuinely cannot figure if what I am feeling is senioritis or complete and utter depression, or both! I feel totally burnt out, with no motivation, no creativity, no... nothing. I still do my best with all my assessments/classwork, but it's so incredibly draining. I used to LOVE school. I used to look forward to seeing my classmates and my teachers, but with everything that has happened, I just want out, out of this school, out of this city, out of this state, OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. I wish I could just run away from all of this, but, sadly, I can't. I imagine this is a mutual feeling considering a good fraction of our teenage years was seized by a deadly virus (and the fact that our school is quickly becoming unfamiliar). So I just wanted to ask, how are you guys holding up almost one year into this pandemic?
8 comments:
Hi Erica,
I feel the same way. Every single day feels not exactly the same like there are a few things that make each one slightly off, but there is still that monotonous sense to everything. Most of the work now feels like busywork, since we barely have 6 weeks left of classes as seniors. I know you feel this online with me, but most of our teachers barely even acknowledge our existence most days. Even with that though, I'd still rather be at home. Yes, I'm still here because of my dad but I also don't want to be there. Nothing is the same, and it isn't because of the pandemic; they can't blame it on that anymore. It's like everything is just so...sad. I feel like I don't know the majority of the people I can call my classmates, and it isn't because I'm at home. There's such a massive disconnect in our grade that I thought could have been fixed at the start of this year, I was really hopeful about it, but now I know that cannot happen. The issues that divide us are too real, too serious. They can't just be looked past as we cry about graduating. I'll be honest, some of these people I wish to never see again in my life. It feels absolutely horrible to say, but I want to be honest. It stings, but that's just the way it is. Maybe it hurts so much because all of the grades before us at least had this sense of unity, even if it wasn't deep; they still all cried and held each other at their senior chapel. Now I don't even know if I'll be able to go to mine.
I completely feel the same way, Erica. Just keep your eyes on the prize. We're in the home stretch now.
Love, Rikki
Hey online friends. It is, of course, different for the online and in person students, but it seems like our general attitudes are the same. Every day is pretty much the same here as well, except we have to breathe through masks and can't eat with our friends without permission to leave our advisories. My advisor quit, however, and Mrs. Bond isn't in the classroom like half the time, so at this point, I can just go where I want. At the beginning of the year, I found myself following all the rules super closely, listening to all the regulations, etc. But now, I just find myself not caring at all. It's not that I don't care about COVID, but half of the regulations here are just to check boxes so that they don't hear from angry parents. And I'm sick of not being able to socialize with anyone properly anymore. I'm just holding out hope that college will be significantly different, because you're right Erica, this school has become very unfamiliar. It went downhill SUPER quickly in the span of a few months.
I think that I am not sad about leaving what St. Martin's has become, but I am nostalgic about the past. I reflect on how STM and specifically its teachers have guided me to be who I am now. I remember that Ms. Brookes would deduct points for forgetting my name on assignments (which happened more often than not, I was even less organized than then I am now). I also reflect on what I learned NOT to do because of teachers. I learned from Mr. Van Young that no matter what I said, I would still not be perfect, so I should write what I think.
I am also disappointed that this last year will forever taint my great memories of STM. I feel like the only reason we are still here is because we have to get a certain number of hours of school to graduate. The only class that feels like I am moving forward is AP Euro, and that is because we literally move forward in history. In Chem, we are doing review. In religion, most of the class doesn't want to take the class. In math, we are in this conceptual unit that is more thinking in another way and notation than actual math. In English, it feels like we go in circles of read, discuss something that has been discussed by thousands of other classes. Is anything that I say really new? I don't even think that I could tell what "bad" work is because everything that is "classic" is not necessarily good to my tastes. Why do we only read "good" literature in class? How am I supposed to know what is bad? (sorry, mini tangent)
I am done. The problem: I have 6 more weeks.
Hey guys. I think this feeling is definitely mutual. Over the last month or so, I've actually been really happy. I was done with college apps, had gotten into at least one college, and was just doing really great overall. I was hanging out with friends, enjoying my independent study (Pride and Prejudice), and actually feeling really nostalgic. I actually lamented that we only had a few weeks left. It felt like so little time. So little time to make memories, to connect with people I never had before, to be a child and enjoy the innocence of youth with no real responsibilities. I still think that for the most part, my life is pretty great. I always said I wouldn't change much about my life because I was perfectly happy the way things were. But, this week... Perhaps it was just a combination of lack of sleep and recent events, but it just felt so sad. I kinda just wanted it to end already, which I had rarely thought before. I was done with having expectations just to be disappointed. Done with trying to make the most of things which were doomed. I hope this week was just a bad week. I hope future weeks are not like this one. I like being optimistic and happy. I like seeing the good where things are obviously bad. I think I just need the weekend (and a short week next week thank goodness) to recuperate. Just a break from time blurring by with accidents haphazardly thrown in. I hadn't really considered myself to have seniorities. I would at least like to think I'm doing well in classes and not slacking off. I do feel kinda burnt out, though. I'm trying to fend it off, but I'm tired of trying just to be exhausted day in, day out. Who knows, though, maybe a week or two I'll look back at this post and think, "Izzy, pull yourself together! Your life is not miserable—you were just tired and had a few tests!" One can hope, one can hope.
Hey Erica,
I feel the exact same way. You perfectly described exactly how I've been feeling lately. I swear the combination of senioritis and a global pandemic is deadly. I never really loved school, but lately, I have been seriously struggling to make it through the day. The thought of checking out and just missing half of my classes for the day is always tempting me. My best advice that I can give you and that I'm trying to remember as the year closes out is that all of this is happening for us really take a step back and practice gratitude. There are sooo many things I took for granted before the pandemic, and I think that being able to realize those sorts of things is one of the positive things to come out of this year. We're hitting low to prepare us for a high. Hold on to the hope for a better future!!
I will say that I've tried very hard to expose all of you to literature that you wouldn't have read in other classes, to voices that you may not have heard before. I hate that everyone feels this way right now, but if it makes you feel any better, we teachers and all the adults that I know are just as miserable. Some of us just have jobs that require us to pretend like we're not, which is even more exhausting. I am very sorry that your senior year has been so disappointing, in so many ways.
!!!A rare Ms. King sighting!!!
In all seriousness though, I don't want you to be miserable either, Ms. King. You don't have to pretend to be happy, we love to rant with you about the severely broken system we're unfortunately forced to be a part of. It makes this sucky senior year slightly better to know that we have teachers on our side.
Meg commented and dipped. *cue plane zoom sound effect*
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