Leven is reading my deepest thoughts

 Hi blog, 

I'm currently on the phone with Leven Greene. I got bored, so I shared a document with her that is also shared with Laura and Erica that is full of my writing. When I say writing, I mean my mental illness expressed on a page. It's nothing bad, just some rambling. 

So, right now, she's looking over some of it, kind of. I don't show anyone my work because I'm scared of judgement but I figured I won't see any of the people that will deeply judge me ever again after I graduate, so now is the time to finally open up. The only people who have really seen my work are Laura, Erica, my boyfriend, Van Young, and now Leven (who should feel honored btw). And honestly, most of these people have only seen it because I felt slightly confident in the moment. 

Is my writing good? eh. Is it horrible? no. Do I think it's good enough to share? depends on how much sleep I've had. 

One reason I've never wanted to is because most of it is very personal. I feel like if I share it, it needs to come with a warning. And it does, the document actually quotes Dante because I call the compilation of my work "hellfire. " Another was that I just wasn't ready. I still don't know if I am, but I don't think I ever really will be ready, so I might as well do it now. No time like the present right? 

Leven said, "I wasn't expecting this. I was expecting it to be...cheesy. Like deep, which it is, but like in a cheesy way. That's a compliment. Well...if you think about it, it's kind of not because I said I was expecting something cheesy lol." To answer that, yes Leven, it is a compliment. Or to me at least it is. I'm also glad you and Van Young share a poem you both like; to me, that means that one is actually alright. 

I don't really have anything else to say, and I know this isn't my usual content. I've had a pretty rough week or so. Not for any particular reason really, just a lot of anxiety, which fuels most of my writing. That's honestly one of the reasons I have so much writing (currently 26 pages of just poetry, a short story that I had to do for class, and about 60 pages of a novel that I haven't touched in ages that I really need to); I use writing as a coping mechanism and I highly recommend it. It usually helps me.  

Sorry, this is just more rambling. I'll stop...for now. 

Goodnight everyone, 

the introverted, hermit writer that probably needs some fresh air