- My guide will be talk show host Conan O’Brien.
- My monster guarding my circle of hell is an enormous hyena named Markus Twainus.
- I will enter my circle of hell through being led down a flight of stairs backstage in Ed Sullivan theater, a studio famous for its variety shows. I will enter the circle stage left, and then to exit I will walk out stage right and pop out on the street.
- The sin being punished is people who are objectively not funny but think they are and force people to listen to their unfunny drivel.
- The punishment is being restrained and tickled by feathered bipeds (a slight reference to the famous story of Plato and Diogenes) for all of eternity. As they could not make anyone laugh in real life, they are now forced to make up for all the dead silence in hell. The more unfunny they were, the more harshly they are tickled.
- This circle of hell is a roofless, burning theater, with endless rows of seats in the audience. Those being punished are bound to the chairs in the audience and tickled as they watch an empty stage burn. Amy Schumer, who is there for not being funny enough to write her own material and not because she isn’t funny, has a special punishment in that she has to write her set in blood while being tickled, over and over again, a la Sisyphus.
- The damned souls in this hell are Jay Leno, John Peters, SNL era Robert Downey Jr., Dane Cook, and Amy Schumer. The people who are still alive get imped after the lord decides they have reached a certain threshold of unfunny, explaining how Robert Downey Jr. went on to redeemed himself after leaving SNL with Less Than Zero and his stint as Iron Man. Jay Leno will be the sinner I talk to, which will prompt Conan to comment on how “it serves him right”, a reference to the 2009-2010 Tonight Show debacle.
- The reason I shall be led into hell is that Mrs. King has asked God to show me what will happen if I don’t stop talking in class. In the audience, there will be a seat that says “Reserved for Tanner Sykes”.
TELL ME YOUR IDEAS. I WANT TO KNOW.
1 comment:
My Circle of Hell will be for those who don’t dress up on special dress up days, whether they don’t want attention or they just think that it is stupid, they kill the school spirit.
The punishment for these people will be to go naked to a freezing cold school “every day” (they are in a time loop) and to be ridiculed by devil students.
Meanwhile, the Three Headed beast of Mr. Adair, Mrs. Bond, and Mrs. Dusaules guards the circle and torments the sinners, and if they try to escape, the beast will put them into a burning glass box, where they will have to stand in front of everyone, again, naked.
I will be guided by former Student Council President Ritchie Whitney, for he knows the struggle of getting these types of students to dress up.
I arrived to this circle with Ritchie in the Magical Mobile Idea Lab, which can transport through dimensions, and handle any tough terrain.
The school is the constant place of punishment, however the sinners just think that it is a really long day. It is freezing cold and the ground they walk on is layered with fire ants. Think of the setting of the STM upper school, but worse. In the middle of the well is the burning glass box.
Bharat Solanky, Jack Reeves, Brandon Stokes, Mirko, Braden Bourgeois will be in this circle.
I will approach my former basketball teammate Bharat Solanky as he tries to rub his frozen together hair.
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