If not, I beg that you watch this commercial titled "girls don't poop" (remember that)
Most of you have mocked me for saying this, but PooPourri is an EPIC. I'm here to prove it and flush those doubts away.
First of all, to be classified as an epic, a work must have certain characteristics:
1) The setting is vast in scope
2) Divine Intervention
3) Grand Simplicity and Sustained Elevation
4) Deeds of Great Valor and Courage
5) Hero who embodies values of society and is of great significance or legend.
"How the Inferno are you going to prove that!?" asks Classmate number 1.
Fear not classmate number 1, I am prepared for this, it is my doody.
1). This is the easiest to prove, as you can tell by watching the commercial that the setting is vast in scope, changing constantly from bathroom, to party, to office, to cow field.
2). Isn't PooPourri divine enough? Science is the modern deity and technology is its intervention. Every culture has a different god, is it so outlandish to say that Science can be a god here?
3). I mean, have you heard this girl speak? It's like the queen of England is lecturing us on "how to properly rid the horrendous odor of our brown astronauts." The language is very poetic and befitting of an epic.
4). Imagine yourself telling the world about your poop, about telling everyone that it stinks. That takes a lot of valor and courage. She does this, however, for the good of humanity. If that isn't respectfully courageous than I don't know what it.
5). This one's the biggest stretch, yes bigger than number 2 (not that kind of number 2 you nasty). This woman is a heroine, as she is struggling to save relationships and people from embarrassment. The epic battle she fights in is against the smell of bowel movements. She embodies the value that humans don't poop. A denial of shit -> Kitsch? No but really, we don't like to recognize that everybody poops and we also don't want people's poop to smell. She embodies the notion that people poop in secret, and that it doesn't smell with the power invested in PooPourri. She is a legend, as she has brought this magical power to humankind, in different scents as well!
Call of the Wild
Daisy Doo (recommended for Bonnie)
Deja' Poo (recommended for Sri)
Poo La La (recommended for Alex)
Bass Awkward (recommended for Ross)
Heavy Doody (recommended for Joey)
Poo-Tonium (recommended for Iris)
Royal Flush (recommended for Breuna)
Toot Fairy (recommended for Isabel)
Potty Mouth (Breath Mint)
Sweet Cheeks (recommended for Tiffany)
Also side note, these conventions also poop up in the commercial, further proving my point:
- medias reas
- begins with statement of theme
- epithets and epic smilies
- long formal speech
- epic digressions
- epic talisman
What other commercials are epic in nature? *Cough* Old Spice *Cough*