Monday, April 25, 2016
Future
When I was in Boston this past weekend I started thinking about the future and all of us going off to different cities and states for college. Boston was an entirely new world - it was completely unlike what I am used to down in good ole' Old Metairie (don't get me wrong, though, I loved the city) When I was there and I was forced to think about my future, I became nervous - one day we'll develop a life different from the life we have now. We'll be different people - ones who have matured and experienced the world around us, we'll know new people and develop new connections, etc. Who knows what the future has in store for us! Right now, we know where we're going to college next year, but what is going to happen when we're there? We might think we have an idea of what is going to happen next, but we truthfully have no clue. We will always remember growing up in Louisiana, but one day we might find ourselves living in California or Florida based on the paths and opportunities we chose to take. Some of us are going to school closer to home and others are going farther so while we might all have differing circumstances and opinions, a real fact we must acknowledge, whether we want to or not, is that we are growing up and we're entering the real world faster than we could've imagined. I can't believe I'm beginning my last week of high school, I can't believe I had my last plate of STM red beans and rice today, I can't believe senior chapel is only 4 days away, I can't believe after 4 years that I'm turning in my last papers and completing my last high school assignments. I remember being a freshman and going to my first senior chapel, waiting for the day that I would finally be able to do that with my class and would finally be able to ring the bell after waiting 13 years. Now that it is here, everything seems so surreal and I wonder where all the time went.
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After traveling a bit in the time I've had to live, I still feel like nostalgia is going to kill me when I leave for college. The past three years here had been the best in my life (and I'd totally move back here after college, to live and die in LA), but I've learned long ago that no matter where we end up, there will be new, exciting lives for us in store.
I can't help but think about where life will take us for the next few decades, although it gives me great anxiety. It makes me wonder whether this is all there is to the human experience - over 20 years of training for a 9-5 job with the occasional excitement where eventually the fire might just die. This, of course, is a very narrow view, and I have been trying to think that I would be able to keep the excitement in life going. So far I've only found friends to be helpful.
Although we live in the greatest country in the most prosperous age in human history and don't have to face any kind of daily struggle for survival (like the billions before us did and the billions of the unfortunate still do today), I still wonder what there is to do out there and why we are even here.
It's been 24 hours since we rang the bell after Senior Chapel, and the reality of our situation is actually starting to hit me. The idea of High School being over isn't as sad or exciting as I thought it would be. However the idea that Wednesday was my last day of school from 8-3:30, or that I no longer have a designated lunch period from 1:03 to 1:56 is an eye opening and surreal experience. This whole situation is more weird than sad, but I'm excited to see what the future brings. I'm just a little freaked out that this is going to be my last four months living in the house I grew up in.
It feels so weird deleting all these alarms I had set on my phone at the beginning of the year. For instance: "WAKE UP" set at 7am on M, T, Th, F, the 7:30am alarm set for late start Wednesdays; "blog!!!" at 10pm on Saturdays; various alarms set between 2 and 5 am when I would have to wake up early to study because I didn't do it the night before. It's hard to think about how different my life will be in only 3 months. This sounds cheesy making a post about setting alarms and what not, but it just points out another example of how everything, including even the smallest details, will be different next year. I'll be starting a new life, setting new alarms...
:'(
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