Saturday, January 16, 2016
UM Suicidal?
While replying to someone's post about UM's masochism I came about a thought about UM's fanatical behaviour. We have all noticed how UM finds pleasure in brining himself pain. While usually, masochism refers to physical pain, UM prefers to bring himself psychological pain. I think this is because physical pain doesn't work for him- whether it doesn't affect him as much or he's used to it because of his illness or whatever, he prefers mental, more permanent pain. We also know that UM hates himself and he's very self conscious and critical about himself and others. When you think about it that way, UM's tendency to do things that will bring him despair and heartbreak can be compared to people who bring themselves physical pain (like cutting themselves) I think UM deals with a similar depression and almost suicidal thoughts that these people do, except he realizes that mental pain hurts a lot worse and longer than physical pain. I think UM hates himself and him hurting himself is on purpose and because he feels that the life he leads is meaningless and he wonders what his purpose is and why he is there at all.
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I definitely see all of that in him and it is very depressing. I know that we have discussed that he may be like this because he was orphaned and his "distant relatives" sent him away to school but we have never talked directly about this and the emotional trauma that must have caused him. Without parents or any role model whatsoever it would be nearly impossible for him to learn how to gain trust from others. Basically the world would just be a sort of enemy or obstacle that he would have to overcome each day, rather than something to explore and enjoy. If you never thought someone else loved or cared for you, it would be extremely difficult to develop those feelings towards others. We have all talked about how horrible the UM is and how if he would just treat people better things would improve for him, but honestly he may be incapable of that sort of trust at this point. If you never had a single person on your side, you would believe it was you against the world too. Especially if you didn't even have faith in any sort of God, or godlike presence. You would have no one but yourself to rely on, which would be unbearable. It makes sense that he tries to distract himself from the pain caused by that lack of connection with any other human being.
I don't thing the UM would be able to commit suicide, purely because he always goes back on his word. It seems that every time he give some kind of anecdote he goes back on his word, saying that he was joking or lying. UM is so indecisive that he would not be able to go through with killi himself because he would over analyze so much he would be caugh in a circle. Well that's just my impression.
While UM certainly has some depressive thoughts, I think that he would be too self-important and condescending to end his own life. While he fails to find any fulfillment in life, he still thinks that he is better than everyone else and is just misunderstood.
Aww, like Underground Man, I don't have a name:// refer to me as "someone" from now on
Abbey what?
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